My sister got married in Vegas this week. She is still there with her spouse having a wonderful time. They are enjoying some much needed time away together as well. I am very happy for them and think that this marriage, my sister’s third, is the one that will last.
I like this spouse the best. This one is different. The first one I disliked immensely. He was controlling, and still is. The second one was nice, funny, and a great guy to be around at family functions. He was a refreshing change and we liked him. Over time though, the stresses of family showed that he was not the spouse that could support the family emotionally. His kids and my sisters kids all had needs and he was not strong enough to be there for them. Marriage needs the strength of two people who can support and love each other to be there for their family.
This one is different. This one has come in with strength and love beyond everything. This one has no biological children, but has taken my sister’s children as their own and loved them. It is not an easy situation. But this one loves my sister more than anything and loves the kids deeply. This one is different in all of those ways. This one is also a woman.
A few years back when my sister was separated from her husband, she invited me to go on a trip that she won to New York City. It was exciting to be able to go with my sister and get away together. I bought tickets for us to see Wicked on Broadway. We rode the subway (with me totally in charge. She has NO sense of direction I quickly found out!) We saw the 9-11 memorial. We hung out in Times Square, were awed by Grand Central Station, and saw and interacted with many fun and interesting people. She was (kind of) patient with me when I wandered through Ellis Island soaking it all up as any history buff would do. But that trip was more than all of that. My sister was struggling. We fought quite a bit. She was texting all the time with new friends and she was snippy to me. I was frustrated and didn’t realize at the time what she was going through.
Reflecting back, she was in identity crisis. She was growing up and figuring out her own voice. She was still young and had been in relationships for so long and this was the first time that she was struggling to figure out who she was on her own. I am in no way saying she was finding herself and deciding she was gay. I am saying that she was struggling to find her inner strength of who she was, finally without a relationship.
At that time, she was working with a few women who were gay. They were nice and she was making friends. Through friends and work connections, she met someone she became interested in dating. She fell pretty fast and I, as her big sister, was very hesitant. She had just gotten out of a marriage and was now in a gay relationship and telling me it was serious in just a few months. I thought, “here we go again with moving fast and furious!” She wanted her new girlfriend to come to my son’s birthday party just a couple months after they started dating and I refused. My older child still associated her with her second husband, his Uncle, and it was too much, too different, and too soon.
This one was especially different. This one stayed through huge complications. HUGE. Like, you cannot even imagine. This one has endured so much and has no obligation to my sister and her children. But this one is different. She has strength, respect, love. She is the one.
I am a strong Christian woman. I believe that God designed a family to be a man and a woman together raising children in a marriage. A marriage is not simply a piece of paper. It is a covenant between two people who are dedicating their entire lives to each other. In my perfect world, with my beliefs, a man and a woman would get married, have children, raise those children in a loving home and those children would go on to do the same. But this is not a perfect world people.
In my world, my father was divorced twice. In my world, my mom left for a good chunk of my childhood. In my world, I suffered pregnancy loss that led to fertility loss. In my world, there is brokenness and pain and hurt. My world that I live in, the same world that you are living in, is not the world that God designed. Our world changes and morphs into different situations all the time that God did not give to us. But what He gave us that we can hold onto is love.
I love my sister’s new wife. She loves her family. Her extended family loves my sister and their kids. My sister’s wife is the backbone of the family and loves and supports my sister the way a spouse is supposed to. She has been there through NUMEROUS court hearings about custody from my sister’s first husband that are ridiculous. She has held the family together through trials with my nephew who struggles with so much that I will not go into because this is my family and there are things that happen in families that are crazy hard that the entire world does not need to know. But you have seen my posts about my struggle with my autistic child. They have it worse. She was there when my teenage niece struggled with her mom’s new relationship and also struggled with her controlling father. She was there when that same niece moved in with them and spent time with her forming a bond. Then, she was there when that niece was in a horrible accident, struck by a vehicle at a high speed when she was walking down the side of a road with friends. She has been there for so much and there is still so much and she is there.
Love. That is what I take from all of this and that is where my feelings lie. I see love. I see commitment. I see a family who will do anything for each other. Yes, deep in my heart for some reason I do wish this new spouse was a man with all of this love and commitment, but she is not. And I still love her. I love my sister and I love her new wife and the past few years have brought us the closest we have ever been.
So congratulations are DEFINATELY in order for my sister Jenn and her new wife, Jen! I wish you may, many years of happiness and love. I love you both!
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